joy of motherhood >> 3rd quarter
Written by beeber on February 10, 2007 – 11:08 am -I opened the garage door to get ready for work this morning. anZel started to wave bye bye to me. My nose muscles contracted and tears filled my eyes. I thought the past three months have been good training to be away from this 28” bundle for ten hours a day.
Some days, I marveled at how the past three months have flown by. However, when I look at the day to day struggle of balancing work and home, it seems long and I am glad I have made it this far. Hands down to those who do parenting alone or don’t have family or friends close by. Nine months down this path, I have not been converted to one of those mums who say motherhood is the best thing ever happen to them. In fact, when I think of this sentiment, I am terrified that I am a terrible mum for not enjoying myself. When will this epiphany come to me?
anZel has transformed from the blob of flesh to a little person. I am constantly amazed that he is becoming a person. To be honest, I am amazed that there something between his ears. He can identify numerous things around the house. We have also been teaching him the “dangerous” things in the house. I told him that the power supply for my laptop was “dangerous” one day. He saw the power supply the next day and waved his hand saying “no”. Do you mean I am not just talking to a blob of flesh? Each morning, he opens the blinds in the morning and closes them in the evening with me. He always directs me where to open and close the blinds when I tell him it’s time to do so. At night, he shrieks when I tell him it’s time for books.
Then I start to think about how we decide that this miniature have no idea of how this world work? I don’t know if it’s because I have never been around children until now. It is about the same sorry feeling that we feel we are much happier than those who live in third world country. I felt as qualified as I could be to lead anZel when he was born. As he grows and learns, I feel less confident. If he is able to connect the two and two together, pretty soon he will realize I am not much of a leader for him. Motherhood is as much learning from the child as teaching or leading.
Posted in Quarterly Review, anZel |
February 13th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
B–You are a great mom! The fact that you even think of these things means you are thoughtful, caring and always strive for the best for your cutie pie! Good job!:)
Love, AA