anZel/Arden

Archive for May, 2007

joy of motherhood >> year end

The past year has flown by. I never understood this type of time lapse before having anZel. When we were having a rough day, it seemed to take forever to get past five minutes. Looking back at the year as a whole, it went by as if we brought him home three months ago. The first three months were the most challenging for all of us. Between anZel’s various health problems, breastfeeding and eczema, we were in and out of the hospital 22 times the first three months.

I have always been a talker and have probably enjoyed talking a little too much at times. When we brought the precious cargo home, my dad kept telling me to talk to anZel. I never thought twice about it. I am a talker. I will talk till the pigs fly. Reality sets in. I realize while I enjoy talking, I really don’t enjoy repeating the same thing over and over and over and over again. For the 100th time, don’t touch the plug; eat your oatmeal; don’t eat your shoe or mine; drink your water; don’t stand up in the tub; brush your teeth. I don’t really enjoy talking any more.

As anZel grows more independent, something get easier while others are more challenging. Being mobile is one of them. In a flash, he may be up the stairs or pulling all the content out of a draw. Being able to talk is another. When we were outside talking to our neighbors last night, anZel proceeded to walk down the sidewalk. I asked him where he was going. He said “street”. I was shocked as we have never taught him in such context. I guess talking to kids help but do I have to repeat myself OVER and OVER and OVER again?

I have been asked lately if it is rewarding to be a mother/parent. My answer is between stress of balancing work and family and providing the optimal environment for him, I haven’t thought much about the rewards. The process of becoming a mother happened so quickly that it never occurred to me that I should be looking for rewards. I would feel rather disappointed if I was hoping that parenting is incredibly rewarding. Frankly, the rewards are so far in between that it would be silly to focus on them at all. Instead, I believe parenting is an experience and can be rewarding at times.

All and all, this has been an incredible year. To see anZel’s personality surface is an amazing experience. So far, he seems to be laid back like his dAd. He likes to share (though he probably would like his favorite toy back in a jiffy). He loves to talk like his grandma. And he is gentle. Sleep and eating issues aside, we are truly blessed to be such a wonderful child. Neither dAd nor I can take any credit for who he is as he comes as himself.

top 10 list to aviod sleep

10. ask to read the same book 10 times
9. ask to drink water 5 times
8. play with the very tool (pacifier) that helps with sleep
7. play with your own pj sleeves
6. play with mum’s sleeves
5. hone your skills (e.g. telling me that you “good”; that you are “one” by sticking up your left and right index finger; that you heard cars outside; that you heard the plane went by)
4. repeat step 9
3. gently pat mum’s face
2. gently poke mum’s eyes
1. get up (if you can get up, it must be the morning)

anZel playing in the fountain

mimi (that’s what anZel calls beeber these days) had a brilliant idea today: take anZel to the fountain to play…he loved it!!

up and down

anZel’s learned how to sit down and get up, as he demonstrates in this video…warning..kinda long…4+ mins

recent exchange

dAd is an addict. He is addicted to Mac (not the burger), MD (mountain dew) and Starbucks. Recent work load has driven dAd’s caffeine intake to new high.

mImI (that’s how anzel calls me): hay, you got to look out for your MD intake. We need you around when anzel is older!

dAd: Geeze. That doesn’t sound like a compelling reason to stop…

have i gone too far?

So my dad taught me this trick about objects that kids shouldn’t touch. When my lovely niece was just a wee child, she once asked to play with a knife. My dad wanted to let her know that it wasn’t a toy. But we all know the power of a child’s curiosity! So, he gently poked her with the sharp end of the knife and told her that it was “dangerous” and wasn’t something that she would ever want to play with.

anZel showed the same curiosity about knives lately. He has seen us cut fruits with it. Naturally he would want to be part of this action. So I did the same thing that my dad did. When I asked again if he wanted the knife, he gladly said no. Yesterday, I had to use a knife to cut his pears (a plastic spoon won’t do the job, mum!). He seemed to remember that knives weren’t all that great but wasn’t sure. So he asked for it again. I hold up the knife and asked if he really wanted to play with it. He was puzzled. Then he curled his lips and tears filled his eyes. He reached both of his hands out to me asking for a hug. I felt so bad. I hugged him and he kept padding my back.

anZel reading minds

anZel can now read minds and finish my words for me!!!

In the movie above, anZel finishes these words in Chinese:

- carrots
- car
- airplane
- mommy
- do re mi
- father
- a b
- one two

anZel pulling an alligator

Haven’t posted too much lately due to the near-death experience of my powerbook…finally got it back from the Apple store and here’s the first movie it produced…

Everyday is…

Before becoming a mother, I had grand ideas of what a “good” mother should be. The foremost on my agenda was to be a better mother than my mother. Clearly, anyone can do better than a woman who claims to enjoy working in the office more than taking care of her children.

I resisted my mother’s proclamation about motherhood for a long time. Once in a while, she would sneak up to me and asked if I still enjoyed being at home with anZel during my five months maternity leave. I would get absolutely annoyed because I didn’t want her to be right. And being better than her was still on top of my list to do.

The reality of motherhood makes me re-evaluation my idea of a good mother. I soon realize good mothers aren’t necessary the ones who are with their children 24×7. And bad mothers aren’t those who enjoy working at the office more than taking care of the children. Love for children doesn’t solely come from hugs and kisses.

My mother’s dedication to her children and grandchildren puts me to shame. Her selflessness towards all people, especially her own children and grandchildren, are unlike any I have seen. When my brother’s family was in crisis, she wheeled bags of groceries for them with all of her clothes soaked with sweat in the hot summer. This afternoon, she skipped her usual afternoon nap and took anZel out for an hour walk, because she felt that my husband needed to get his work done and I deserved a long nap. These are things she does in a daily basis without uttering a word of complain. Her determination to live happily and positively is inspiring. She takes everything in stride, even the lost of her mother at the age of 30. I can’t think of surviving the past year without her help.

I have looked into all the wrong places for my mother’s love. Her love comes from the selfless person she is to people she meets and to all of us; the positive attitude she demonstrate every day, good or bad; and the incredible dedication she has for her family each and every day.

Happy Mother’s day to someone who believes everyday is her birthday and Mother’s day (especially when we are well-behaved). We love you, Mum. Thank you for being who you are and all you do.

farewell

My father called several days ago to tell me that grandpa had to be hospitalized. I dreamed of him dying in a hospital bed Thursday night. He passed away yesterday afternoon in China.

Death is rather foreign to me. I don’t know how I have managed to not attend a single funeral for as long as I have lived. Nonetheless, I have a real sense of lost and reference this time. The pasting of an ailing elderly is always ambiguous to me. On one hand, I want him to be around even if he has to be spoon-fed. On another hand, I wish the suffering would end. For the past year, grandpa lived for all of us. His quality of life was compromised by his ailing body. I realize one thing is certain about death–a sense of lost for those who are left behind.

Being a mother makes me think of the lineage of my grandpa…the family he left behind. If anZel had children, would they feel the same way I feel towards my grandpa? Would I leave the same kind of legacy my grandpa did for my grandchildren?

When I left Hong Kong for school in the U.S., I had a visit with grandpa. He gave me his usual lecture of being good and diligent. Then he said “remember that you not only represent yourself, your family but also your country.” I have always kept in the back of my mind.

There were two items left in grandpa’s bureau drawer…a letter I sent long ago and a photo of my cousin in her graduation. Thank you, grandpa, for your pearl of wisdom.