farewell
Written by beeber on May 12, 2007 – 2:32 pm -My father called several days ago to tell me that grandpa had to be hospitalized. I dreamed of him dying in a hospital bed Thursday night. He passed away yesterday afternoon in China.
Death is rather foreign to me. I don’t know how I have managed to not attend a single funeral for as long as I have lived. Nonetheless, I have a real sense of lost and reference this time. The pasting of an ailing elderly is always ambiguous to me. On one hand, I want him to be around even if he has to be spoon-fed. On another hand, I wish the suffering would end. For the past year, grandpa lived for all of us. His quality of life was compromised by his ailing body. I realize one thing is certain about death–a sense of lost for those who are left behind.
Being a mother makes me think of the lineage of my grandpa…the family he left behind. If anZel had children, would they feel the same way I feel towards my grandpa? Would I leave the same kind of legacy my grandpa did for my grandchildren?
When I left Hong Kong for school in the U.S., I had a visit with grandpa. He gave me his usual lecture of being good and diligent. Then he said “remember that you not only represent yourself, your family but also your country.” I have always kept in the back of my mind.
There were two items left in grandpa’s bureau drawer…a letter I sent long ago and a photo of my cousin in her graduation. Thank you, grandpa, for your pearl of wisdom.
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