anZel/Arden

Archive for November, 2007

transcript

On the way back home, we always pass by a Bank of America. anZel pointed at it yesterday and said “red bank, no auntie.” Referring to the red logo and that no one is there to take out money.

anZel saw his paediatrician today. He is a tall and lanky man. So I asked anZel if the Doc was tall. He said “like Grandma, that tall.”

transcript

On our way home yesterday…anZel saw a lady on the road and said “auntie rides bicycle…very fast.”

dAd set up the kids’ table and chairs for anZel yesterday. We told anZel that there would be a chair him and one for Arden. Instead of focusing on eating last night, he said “Arden and anZel sit there.” “Together Draw pictures .”

2007 Thanksgiving Cold Turkey

I have thought about weaning anZel off of his pacifier (paci) for a long time but have always chickened out. In a month or so, we may have another pacifier-dependent person in the house. I thought that it would make it even harder for him to give it up if he sees his sister using it.

Today, Thanksgiving day, we decided that it’s time. With four days at home, we may be able to make a dent to this 18-month habit. There are many methods out there. We decided with the cutting method. The idea is that you cut a bit off the paci every so often until it’s no longer “suckable.”

anZel was dead tired during lunch. In fact, he almost fell asleep when we were feeding him. He felt asleep on our drive home. We thought it would be perfect. After a quick diaper change, dAd took him to his crib and told him it was time for nap. He asked for his paci. I quickly made a cut to one of his pacifiers and took it up there for dAd. anZel was baffled by the defected paci. He looked at it and noticed the previously non-existing hole. He looked at dAd and said there’s a hole! He asked for the blue one (we only have two). I reluctantly cut the last one. He was not happy at this point. But he would take the “defected” blue one and sucked on it. Then he realized it wasn’t going to do him any good no matter how he twisted and turned the paci. He started crying hysterically for 30 minutes. In between crying, he kept saying it’s broken. I said I was sorry that it broke. I asked him who broke it and he said “little kids.”

Originally, Grandma said she should put the pacifiers away. I knew that I would give in if they were still around. I know he depends on the paci to go to sleep. I didn’t realize how much it meant to him. It’s heartbreaking to hear him cry and mourn for the lost of his paci.

During our bedtime routine tonight, we told him that his paci is broken. Then Grandpa Sam asked if he would still want a broken paci, he said no. Before he went to sleep, he told dAd “Paci is broken. I don’t want the paci.”

anZel at the Gilroy Garden

anZel the monkey

transcript

On our way to day care today

anZel: PARK
mum: That’s right. Park.
anZel: anzel park
mum: we will take you to the park this Saturday, ok?
anZel: I will go by myself

anZel’s favorite video

This is anZel’s favorite video from YouTube…he will watch this non-stop several times…everytime he sees the computer on, he will want to watch it…he now also knows that when the computer’s lid is down, then Jessica’s asleep…

second chance

The thought of being able to have a second chance to do it again came after my complete failure in breastfeeding with anZel. However, that’s not why we are having Arden. I remember having such strong feeling about being able to try it one more time, just one more chance to feel like I can be a mother who can provide for her child (“Breast is best” was my sole inspiration.) Then the challenges of anZel’s many health issues knocked the wind out of me and I realized I don’t need an 18 year commitment to “make things right.”

My older brother and I had a rough start as siblings. Grandma took care of him until his early teens. We were together for a mere eight years before going our separate ways for schools. Nonetheless, we became closest friends as adults. I can’t say how proud I am to have such a brother and how tremendously blessed I am to have him in my life. Since this is the only family structure I know, I had my heart set on having a girl after having a boy. For the first four months of this pregnancy, I secretly hoped that it would be a girl but didn’t want to influence the being developing within me. I kept asking myself what if it’s a boy. I am already a minority at work. Would I want to be a minority at home as well? The day before the ultrasound, I had a dream. Well, it felt like a nightmare. In the dream, the technician told me that it was a boy. I SCREAMED at the top of lungs “NOOOO.” The next day, I chatted nervously with the technician while watching careful from her facial expressions for signs of abnormalities. Then she said, “Looks like a girl.” I was shocked that I got what I have been wishing for all along. In my surprise, I kept asking if she was sure and wondering if she missed the “third” leg some how. She must have thought I was a total wacko wanting a girl but looking for the “third” leg.

Since the technician was only able to give me an over 50% chance for a girl, I waited for the second ultrasound confirmation to clean out anZel’s clothes. Once I had a relatively solid confirmation from the midwife, I took an afternoon off to clean out anZel’s clothes and brought out all the hand-me-downs from my niece. It was a sea of pink in the spare bedroom. I hadn’t seen so many shades of pink since my early teens! Then I started wondering if I know how to take care of a girl. So far, I am only familiar with being sprayed on. I am absolutely clueless when it comes to baby girl. For a few moments, dealing with something I am familiar with sounded more appealing. But then, I thought about how much fun it would be to venture to the girl section of the store…rows and rows of girl’s clothes instead of a few racks of blue, dark green, brown and blue slacks and T-shirts.

I thought about what a new experience I would have with this little being growing inside. I know what it’s doing yet I don’t. This will be an adventure for me as well as her. Part of me wants her to be different from anZel, especially the eating and sleeping. Part of me knows that it’s all out of my control. She will be who she will be. We will both learn together, along the way, we share tears and joy.

ceo wanna be…

Being the MAC addict, dAd loved this new outfit that anZel has. He probably would have loved to have anZel dressed as Steve Jobs for Halloween, except he would’t spend the $400 for iPhone prop.