anZel/Arden

Archive for December, 2007

anZel’s favorite sentence these days

Written by jlz on December 6, 2007 – 8:46 pm -

這是什麼啊？(what is this?) (in mandarin)

He points to everything and asks, “what is this?” And he will repeat this over and over again on the same objects…

Posted in Transcripts, anZel | 2 Comments »

breaking up is hard to do

Written by beeber on December 2, 2007 – 3:59 pm -

For 29 months, anZel and I were almost inseparable. I could count with two hands the times I was away from him. That’s what makes this past couple months so difficult. For a long time, I can’t quiet understand the little ache in the heart was all about. It has a certain “je nais se quai” feeling to it. The light bulb finally went off. I feel like I am breaking up with anZel, unwillingly.

As I prepare for Arden’s arrival, I have to scale back many things I have done with anZel. The hardest is not being able to pick him up, especially when he asks nicely. Right now, whenever he asks to be picked up, I have to tell him that I am carrying Arden now. Once she is out, I will be able to pick him up more.

I miss being able to sink my face in his neck and get my fix of anZel smell. These days, I am rarely comfortable with him on my lap because of my ever-expanding belly. Being able to have him on lap was one of the things I enjoyed most. I love reading to him or tell him a story when we are physically close together, like we used to. Or when he watches his favorite “hippo” video, I would sneak in as many kisses as I could.

Two month ago, dAd took over the nightly duty of bathing and putting anZel to sleep. The three of us would usually go into his bedroom together to pick out a book or two to read before bed. After we are done, I would kiss him goodnight. Sometimes, I feel like I could give him a million kisses and it still wouldn’t make up for how much I miss him. How could I tell him that I still love him and that this is temporary? Or is it?

anZel has been particularly clingy the past few weeks. We can’t quiet understand whether it’s because he is teething, san-pacifier distress, or my inability to take care of him. He rarely makes a big deal about his afternoon naps during the weekend. Yesterday, he cried hysterically for me. When I went in to comfort him, he kept asking me to hold him. I did and put him back to bed several times. Naturally, he wanted more mum time and asked to be held again and again. I finally had to tell him no more but would stay beside him. I turned on the music while he wet a good size spot on his sheet with his tears. Then I started singing one of the songs I sang to him when he was just a few days old. He finally calmed down and asked me to repeat. With the slats of the crib between us, he held my hand and I gently stroke his forehead. His eyes were calm, gentle and loving…as if to tell me that he knew the song and that he was glad I was there. I sang it again and again until he drifted to sleep. There was one drop of tear left on his right cheek. It was one of the most memorable moments for me lately.