anZel/Arden

Archive for the ‘Day Care’ Category

Nut Free Zone

Here’s an interesting blog and comments on the topic of “Nut Free Zone.”

P + E

The letter P and E are not our friends for the past 10 days and probably won’t for a long time.

It all starts with the letter p for peanut. According to day care, anZel took and ate a piece of peanut butter sandwich from one of his teachers. He threw up and developed a pretty serious allergic reaction on the date he turned 17 month. When dAd went to pick him up, his face was beet red, his neck was swollen. When dAd asked where he hurt, he pointed at his neck. Enter e for emergency room. We were there until 7 at night. Although anZel charmed all the nurses at the emergency room, we were exhausted.

When I talked to the day care owner after this incident, she asked if I have seen this food allergy before. I said because we knew he is allergic to peanut from blood test, we have ZERO peanuts at home and have no interest in finding out how he would react to it.

On Friday, I received a call from day care around 12:50 pm. The day care owner told me that anZel was turning kind of red after having a piece of “butter” cookie as a snack. She said she only gave him a “butter” cookie. Then he threw up and became red. Since we have the result of anZel blood test, I read every single food label in my shopping cart, including the fine print! With all the processed food, you can’t really believe the 30 points font size words of the manufacturer claims. I could care less if it says “butter” cookie because it could be made of peanut or tree bark. When I arrived, I asked to see the label of where the cookie is made off. She handed me a big tin can with Chinese writings and said, “I gave him these.”

Ten days ago, when it happened for the first time. I chalked it as a live and learn experience. When this happened the second time, I feel like we are dealing with a ticking time bomb…

Español

When I was driving anZel home on Thursday, he kept saying beso and smacking his lips together. I figure it was another new word that he was trying to master. Later I realized it was kiss for Spanish. Here is his first Spanish word.

my 1st real test…

We have been preparing for today for at least three weeks. When feeding times were tough, we kept telling ourselves…only one more week…three more days. And here we are.

anZel got up at his unpredictable hours (between 6:30 to 7:30) at 6:55 am today. We told him that it’s the first day of school. He said “yes”. We have been telling him for several weeks of what he could expect at school. There would be older kids and Miss Stephanie. Because we know of this girl called Kamie. We even told him that he could play with Kamie.

Since school starts at 8:30 am, I decided that we should be there early so we could make a smooth transition with the teacher. When we arrived about 25 minutes early, the daycare door was still locked. I felt like one of those idiot who tries too hard…even for my own child’s first day at daycare. When the daycare teacher finally let us in, I had to collect myself. I started crying a bit out of control. First I made a fool of myself for showing up early and now my eyes are swelling up like two ping-pong balls. anZel saw me crying and was wondering what the big deal was. I tried the best I could to be strong.

Once we were in the room, anZel started feeling a bit uneasy. It was like he knew what was going on, that this time is not just a visit. It was like he knew that we will leave without him. He became more clingy and wanted to be held the whole time. When dAd finally got him to sit down to play, I dashed out of there before I made a scene of myself. He never cried before we left.

Throughout the day, I kept wondering how anZel was. Was he crying for me? Was he having his snack? Would he be able to take a nap in a stranger’s house? It would have been easier if he were home. I could call grandma and ask. She would give me every details of the day, including poop texture! My busy day prevented me from calling the daycare to ask.

anZel was the last one to leave today. He was in one of the teacher’s arms sucking in his breathe. He looked relieved to see us. The teachers told us that he cried quite a bit during the day. One of them told us that he is a reasonable child. He wouldn’t fall asleep when all other kids were asleep. So the teacher told him that he needs to be quiet. He sat sobbing but didn’t make a scene. He wouldn’t let the teacher hug him but he didn’t want her to leave his side either.

During the day, I kept thinking about what would anZel think when he cries for me and I wasn’t there for him? I have never thought I would give a part of myself like this. As I watch him fall asleep tonight, I wish he was still part of me physically.

When I look into anZel’s eyes each night this week, there is a certain sadness. His behavior has changed. He cries when he doesn’t get what he wants, which is unusual for him. We used to be able to distract him with toys or stories before, not this week. He also hasn’t slept well for the whole week. One night in particular, he cried for two hours for me. And there is nothing more heartbreaking than hearing his coarse voice after a long day of crying. dAd and I talked about how hard it has been for him…being in an environment which no one understands him (most of the teachers speak English, Mandarin and Spanish and anZel only speaks/understands Cantonese), yet we can’t seem to stop this moving train. We have started daycare for him and we can’t go back. Does he know that going to daycare isn’t a punishment? Will he eventually enjoy going to daycare?

future psychiatric assistance: $100/hr
endless guilt: priceless

in search of day care (#2; non-cliff note version)

Many people are curious about our childcare situation. Most are surprised that anZel is still at home and that Grandma Helen is still taking care of him. Frankly, I am surprised that Grandma lasted this long provided that she only took care of me and my brother full time 67 days each. That was the legal maternity leave then.

Lately, we have drummed up our effort in our childcare search because Grandma really needs a break; anZel can benefit in a more structured environment and learn how to share with others (his days of being #1 in the house is numbered, more on that later); and Grandma really deserves a break.

We have gone with recommendations from friends, newspaper and web ads. I did my homework by searching the net for appropriate questions for daycare before we visited our first daycare. dAd and I were only permitted to visit this place because she was afraid we would disturb her routine. The lady gave us a tour of the place while four or five kids sat and strapped to a row of boasters. They all ate their food diligently. A few even took time to address us. This reminds me of what prison would be like one day if I don’t send anZel to a daycare soon. This was a home daycare. The younger children are luckier as they get to play in the living room with a bay window. There was plenty of light. The older kids gets to stay at the family faces the backyard. There is hardly any light coming thru even at 11 am. Compared to our house where anZel has free reign of cabinets, space and attention, this wasn’t the place I wanted to send him even it came with a recommendation from a friend. The first one I visited. I was shocked and confused about my emotion when I walked out of the daycare crying. There was nothing wrong with that daycare. My expectations were terribly skewed. I was hoping we could find the same exact environment as home for anZel. This isn’t realistic.

So off we go again to look for more. In the meantime, I ask parents whenever I can for daycare references. Most parents are generous about sharing the information. There was one who recommended a place to us. We then find out that they pulled their kids out because they didn’t like the place. There was also a mum who refused to provide the name of her childcare lady even though she and her son love the place. She would “ask” her if she would take anZel in. Before she asked, she told me that anZel is too young to go to her lady. They are all a bunch of two year old. He would be too young to join in. I wasn’t surprised when she called a couple weeks later saying her lady wouldn’t take anZel.

I have heard that some parents visit close to a hundred daycares before selecting one. We haven’t gone that far and hope that we don’t have to do that in order to find one we like. So far, we have what we find a wide variety of daycare experience. Here are some of my observations: a center that smells like the hospital (it was VERY clean); nervous daycare provider asking us if we have visited other places (duh!), if it would be convenience for us to drop off our son to their daycare (DUH!), claims to speak Cantonese and Mandarin but couldn’t really speak neither of them correctly (DOH!), childcare provider discourages us to visit or give surprise visit…we should trust her, children provider who won’t let us meet other parents and would only let us visit before the kids get there, childcare provider has a hard time remembering how many kids she takes care of.

The most comical one was last Friday when we visited a daycare near our house. The teacher told us we should visit at 11 SHARP so we can see how the kids learn. Fantastic! The teacher opened the door with a vacuum tube in his hand (check) and told us where we should sit. The three of us sat in miniture chairs and watched him give his lessons. “Children, we are going to learn (in Chinese) the alfabet (in what seems to be English). What is (in Chinese) alFAbet (in Chinglish)?” “ABCs” the children shouted. He brought out a three-ring white 2” binder and flipped to plastic covered printout of A (no colour, just a white outlined capital “A” and lower case “a”) and an apple. “Children, what is this? (in Chinese)” Children shouted in “A”. As he closed the three ring binder, other materials fell out and one of the children started to burst into a laugh. The other children followed. The class of twelve children was in uproar. At his point, the teacher drummed the vacuum tube on the floor and said “Quite” (in Chinglish). The class was back in order except Marcus. “MARCUS, sit properly (in Chinese), pAi attention (in Chinglish).”

I think dAd summed it well. We would like anZel to learn his languages from native speakers in a stimulaing bright environment and will be able to play outside daily. As I sit on this idea of finding the right place for anZel, I am looking for similar home environment with opportunities to learn and grow for him. There is no place like home. He will always come home to us.

in search of day care

anZel’s 15 months now and it’s about time to kick him out of the house!! beeber and I really wants him to have some structure or routine in his daily life, instead of the do-whatever-you-like-during-whatever-time type of routine. Well, the only routine he has really is to sleep around 8:30-9pm. (I am also secretly hoping that we make the feeding issue someone else’s problem.

We’ve started looking at some of the day cares around here. Most of the day cares aren’t that great. I am starting to think our requirements are too stringent.

1. Given that Mandarin is the official language in China, we wanted anZel to learn Mandarin. So we wanted to find a place where they speak good Mandarin. Half-a** mandarin-speaking day cares are definitely no-go. This requirement essentially limits us to only Chinese day care places.
2. We don’t want half-a** English speaking places either. We are not worried that anZel won’t learn English. After all, we live in the good ol’ U S of A. What we don’t really want is anZel pick up “strange” accents. So if we visit a day care that speaks English to the kids and have a heavy accent, it’s a no go. (We visited one today and it really bugged us.)
3. We speak Cantonese at home and we do want anZel to continue to speak Cantonese. But same as #1 and #2, we don’t want anZel to pick up some “bad” Cantonese accent. So half-a** Cantonese speaking places are out.

Ok, by now you are probably calling us snobs and that our requirements are dumb. But hey, we just want the best for anZel. Many Chinese day care these days claim multi-lingual in order to attract parents. the unfortunate thing is that most of them have heavy “weird” accents in at least 1 language. Some even have problem with all 3!!

Aside from daily routines and languages, we also wanted anZel to have a place to learn.

4. The place has to provide structured education for the kids. We really do like day cares that provide some form of structured learning for kids. Most places provide a curriculum, but you really have to sit through one of them before you know how they teach. There’s a lot of places also claim to follow the MONTESSORI philosophy. Be sure you watch how the kids play and interact with the teachers.
5. As mentioned in #4, we would like to sit through a session or two to see how kids interact. Some of the Chinese places we have been to seems to not want parents to sit through the sessions. The excuse being that they don’t want the kids to be distracted. Well, I am sorry but I don’t think it’s fair for the parents to just “take your words for it.”
6. The place must be bright. Some of the day cares we saw are in fairly dark houses and we really prefer to find one that’s bright. We believe brighter places have happier kids.
7. It goes without saying the place must be clean. If I see carpets are all stained or got tons of black stuff on it, that place is out.
8. We would prefer to have a place where there’s outdoor activities. anZel’s been going out to the local park almost every day since he’s 3 months old. He loves going outside. We would hate to have him locked up in the house all day long.
9. Teacher to kids ratio must not exceed 1:4. We saw some places that have ratio of 1:6, which is crazy!! (I thought that’s illegal?)

let’s see..what else…